Mulling over the reason why you broke up is one good way of healing emotionally as long as it isn't overdone. Ask yourself, what led up or caused the breakup? There is probably more than one reason why you two broke up. You should know what they are.
Sometimes relationships weren't meant to last but while you had time with each other, you enjoyed it. You two drifted apart because one or the both of your priorities shifted and what was important to you then is no longer significant now. It is better to breakup now, then to end up in a crummy 15 or 20 year marriage and go through a bitter divorce.
Knowing why you broke up is the first step in getting over a breakup. Reflecting on what went wrong in this relationship will help you not to make the same mistakes in your next relationship. For instance, if you were too jealous, or too possessive, or unfaithful, you know these behaviors can ruin a relationship.
2) Stick To You Guns
If it was you who ended the relationship, thinking about the good o'l days may cloud your judgement into thinking you've made the wrong decision. But you must not let the good times of the past allow you to forget what caused you two to breakup.
If he broke up with you, don't second-guess his decision. Deep down, you probably know it was for the best especially if he/she wasn't treating you the way you deserved to be treated.
When you start reminiscing about all the good times you had with him or her, you might start to convince yourself that he/she wasn't that bad after all and you could live with the bad aspects of the relationship.
Or you maybe thinking if my ex just knew how I felt about him/her, he/she would want to get back together. It is not wise to venture into this type of thinking. Accept your new marital status and emotionally move on.
3) Maintain Your Distance
Even if your breakup was a clean and amicable one, you can remain friends but it is wise to take some time apart right after you two end your relationship. Allow me to elaborate, when I mean no contact immediately after a breakup,
I mean don't send any e-mails, don't contact his/her family, don't hit him/her up on Facebook, do not phone him/her or text him/her, and no letters in the mail. This is not permanent of course. Do not contact him/her until you are ready to see him/her as friends only with no other motives in mind to rekindle your relationship.
If your ex wants to see you again, what would be the point in doing this if he/she or the both of you agreed that you should no longer see each other. If you see one another too soon, you might wind up getting caught up in the moment and do God knows what and making it harder on yourselves to let each other be.
I understand you will have to communicate to your ex especially if there are children involved, pets you have adopted, or moving out and getting the rest of your belongings. But these meetings should be kept to a minimum. In other words, do what you need to do and part company for now.
4) Deal With Your Pain Responsibly
If you know you are the one who messed things up in this relationship, this is Ok. Accepting responsibility for your actions is a good thing. It shows signs of maturity. However, don't beat yourself up too bad. We are all human and we make mistakes. Denial is another important emotion that you will experience but accepting what happened and why with your relationship will help you to emotionally move on.
5) The Hate Phase
Sometimes you will get the urge to lash out and scream especially if you know you gave it your all in this relationship. This anger stems from how bad the breakup was, what led up to it, and how long it took you two to do the inevitable.
You are angry because you feel that you have given your good bread to a dog. You just wished you could have broken it off sooner to save yourself some time, heartache, and money. Some of this anger will be projected at yourself, but you must quickly get rid of this feeling!
You are wasting precious energy and time over something you cannot change. And to be honest, if this was a bad relationship, you have wasted enough time and energy on this person. Replacing love with hate for your ex is never a good thing because it fosters the need to get revenge and this can land you in a whole lot of trouble.
6) Get Your Friends Involved
Get your friends involved in helping you get over this breakup with your ex. Your friends love you and will remind you of all the great things about you. They will help boost your self-confidence. When you have a strong network of empathetic, supportive, and understanding family and friends, you will be able to cope with your breakup and regain your emotional bearings.
7) Writing Can Be Therapeutic
Get yourself a diary and get all of your emotions out and don't worry about using proper grammar. This journal is for your eyes only. This is the time where you can be brutally honest with yourself of what is going on.
While you are writing, do not edit or cross out anything, just keep writing. When you see your actual thoughts out on paper, you will be surprised at what you are able to see what you could not before.
You will see patterns of certain behaviors of why you choose the persons you date. Life lessons that other people have been trying to teach you will become clearer. Don't think of this as a failed relationship.
Even though it did not work out with your ex, you have learned a valuable lesson about yourself. Obviously, this person wasn't the one and the right one is on his/her way. Your ex just moved aside to make way for your true love for life.
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