Getting Over A Breakup

I will give you 14 guidelines to getting over a breakup. These valuable tips will help you keep your sanity and mend your broken heart.

 

1) Analyze why you broke up but don't obsess over it.
Mulling over the reason why you broke up is one good way of healing emotionally as long as it isn't overdone. Ask yourself, what led up or caused the breakup? There is probably more than one reason why you two broke up. You should know what they are.

Sometimes relationships weren't meant to last but while you had time with each other, you enjoyed it. You two drifted apart because one or the both of your priorities shifted and what was important to you then is no longer significant now. It is better to breakup now, then to end up in a crummy 15 or 20 year marriage and go through a bitter divorce.

Knowing why you broke up is the first step in getting over a breakup. Reflecting on what went wrong in this relationship will help you not to make the same mistakes in your next relationship. For instance, if you were too jealous, or too possessive, or unfaithful, you know these behaviors can ruin a relationship.

2) Stick To You Guns
If it was you who ended the relationship, thinking about the good o'l days may cloud your judgement into thinking you've made the wrong decision. But you must not let the good times of the past allow you to forget what caused you two to breakup. 

If he broke up with you, don't second-guess his decision. Deep down, you probably know it was for the best especially if he/she wasn't treating you the way you deserved to be treated.

When you start reminiscing about all the good times you had with him or her, you might start to convince yourself that he/she wasn't that bad after all and you could live with the bad aspects of the relationship. 

Or you maybe thinking if my ex just knew how I felt about him/her, he/she would want to get back together. It is not wise to venture into this type of thinking. Accept your new marital status and emotionally move on.

3) Maintain Your Distance
Even if your breakup was a clean and amicable one, you can remain friends but it is wise to take some time apart right after you two end your relationship. Allow me to elaborate, when I mean no contact immediately after a breakup, 

I mean don't send any e-mails, don't contact his/her family, don't hit him/her up on Facebook, do not phone him/her or text him/her, and no letters in the mail. This is not permanent of course. Do not contact him/her until you are ready to see him/her as friends only with no other motives in mind to rekindle your relationship.

If your ex wants to see you again, what would be the point in doing this if he/she or the both of you agreed that you should no longer see each other. If you see one another too soon, you might wind up getting caught up in the moment and do God knows what and making it harder on yourselves to let each other be.

I understand you will have to communicate to your ex especially if there are children involved, pets you have adopted, or moving out and getting the rest of your belongings. But these meetings should be kept to a minimum. In other words, do what you need to do and part company for now.

4) Deal With Your Pain Responsibly

If you know you are the one who messed things up in this relationship, this is Ok. Accepting responsibility for your actions is a good thing. It shows signs of maturity. However, don't beat yourself up too bad. We are all human and we make mistakes. Denial is another important emotion that you will experience but accepting what happened and why with your relationship will help you to emotionally move on.

5) The Hate Phase
Sometimes you will get the urge to lash out and scream especially if you know you gave it your all in this relationship. This anger stems from how bad the breakup was, what led up to it, and how long it took you two to do the inevitable.

You are angry because you feel that you have given your good bread to a dog. You just wished you could have broken it off sooner to save yourself some time, heartache, and money. Some of this anger will be projected at yourself, but you must quickly get rid of this feeling!

You are wasting precious energy and time over something you cannot change. And to be honest, if this was a bad relationship, you have wasted enough time and energy on this person.  Replacing love with hate for your ex is never a good thing because it fosters the need to get revenge and this can land you in a whole lot of trouble.

6) Get Your Friends Involved
Get your friends involved in helping you get over this breakup with your ex. Your friends love you and will remind you of all the great things about you. They will help boost your self-confidence. When you have a strong network of empathetic, supportive, and understanding family and friends, you will be able to cope with your breakup and regain your emotional bearings.

7) Writing Can Be Therapeutic
Get yourself a diary and get all of your emotions out and don't worry about using proper grammar. This journal is for your eyes only. This is the time where you can be brutally honest with yourself of what is going on. 

While you are writing, do not edit or cross out anything, just keep writing. When you see your actual thoughts out on paper, you will be surprised at what you are able to see what you could not before.

You will see patterns of certain behaviors of why you choose the persons you date. Life lessons that other people have been trying to teach you will become clearer. Don't think of this as a failed relationship. 

Even though it did not work out with your ex, you have learned a valuable lesson about yourself. Obviously, this person wasn't the one and the right one is on his/her way. Your ex just moved aside to make way for your true love for life.

Continued On Next Page

Get Your Ex Back

 Knowing how to get your ex back may not be an easy thing to do if your relationship was rocky and the break up was messy. Regardless if you are married or not, a relationship break up can be extremely difficult on your emotional and mental health, especially more so, if you both have children together.
 
But luck is on your side, and I will give you a few tips on what you can do to get your ex back into your good graces again. These simple methods have worked in the past to put families back together again.

If you have broken off your relationship with your ex or you are separated from your spouse, fear not your decision is not a done deal. You can still save your relationship!

Follow these simple guidelines to win back the love of your life and your reason for breathing.
 
Give Yourself A New Look
When men and women get comfortable in their relationships, they tend to let themselves go. They no longer try as hard to maintain an attractive appearance. One good way to get your ex back is to remind him or her what they are missing and they can't get it anywhere else.

You can do this by getting in shape physically, try a new cosmetic, get a new hairdo, and buy some nice outfits. Wear clothes that you know your ex loves to see you in. In other words, put a new coat of wax on the old Chevy!

When you begin to work out and wear some different new clothes, your self-confidence will get a boost and you will get the attention you seek from your ex. Getting yourself cleaned up and taking some pride in your appearance tells your ex that what she or he thinks of you is important and that his or her opinions matter enough for you to make a change.

Jog Your Ex's Memory
This is a good way to let your ex know why he or she fell for you in the first place. This is another good way to get your ex back. If you two were always on the go and you did exciting things while you were in the early stages of dating, surprise him or her with a week-end vacation and visit some of your old haunts to bring some happy memories back.

A week-end vacation gives the two of you a change of scenery and before you know it, you will be talking about how fun it was when you two first began dating. You never know, you guys might get back together that week-end.

Surprises Can Be Good
Do something unexpected for your ex that he or she would not expect you to do but he or she would want you to do.  For instance, if he or she has been wanting you to engage in an activity like going to a sports game with him or sending her flowers at work, do it unexpectedly.

This will help prove to your ex that you are willing to put his or her wants first and do whatever it takes to win his or her heart back again. This also shows that you are willing to make the effort to change, to make it worth his or her wile to give you another chance. Remember, if this method works, you have to be willing to change permanently; not just to get him or her back and return to your old habits.

Make a Promise
To help seal the deal again, promise your ex that things will be different if he or she takes you back. This will also greatly improve the likelihood that you two will have a future together. You should make an honest effort in making these changes you promised. Doesn't your ex deserve the best you have to offer?

If your efforts are not sincere to get your ex back, you face the consequence of breaking up again and permanently ruining your relationship. Before you implement the above suggestions, make sure you want your ex back for all the right reasons so that your efforts won't be in vain.

How To Get Him Back

The Do's and Don'ts of Getting Back With Your Ex

Before we discuss how to get him back, there are a few concepts you need to understand for you to be sure this is the right move for the both of you. You want the second time around to be a healthy and smooth relationship.

Doing the right things from the very beginning and avoid repeating disastrous mistakes, will help to make sure your relationship will stick this time. Here are a few do's and don’ts you should implement before approaching your ex to get back together.

Following these few guidelines should help you with getting him back.

Do Allow Your Ex Plenty of Time
It is not always wise to immediately get back together right after a break up. It takes time to mentally and emotionally digest why and how you broke up in the first place. So give yourself and your ex some time and space to deal with the break up.

Getting right back together after you two have broken up is not always the best thing to do, especially if it has only been a few days since the break up. The incident is still fresh on both of your minds, and there may be issues that need to be dealt with before thinking about reuniting.

Do Communicate To Each Other
It is good to talk to each other about why you broke up in the first place. While you talk to one another, avoid blaming one another, yelling, screaming, and arguing at each other. This will get you nowhere but it will tear you further apart.

Sit down with a coffee and calmly discuss what issues you were having, why you were having them, and how you two can come to some resolution. When you do this, you will begin to resolve your problems and come to a solution of how to save your relationship.

While you two are talking with one another, do not interrupt. Allow your ex to have his say and then you have yours. Talking things through in a calm non-confrontational way is a very important activity. It will help the two of you sort things out and repair the damage done to your relationship.

Don't Use Manipulation To Get Him Back
When you use mind games or some sort of manipulation to get him back in the nook, more problems will only ensue. This will not help you to sustain a healthy relationship for the future. Allow me to give you an illustration, dating someone else to make him jealous so that he will want you back almost never works.

This will push him to want to date someone else to get back at you. The only two things you two are accomplishing is hurting each other more and the two innocent people you are dating. Leave the manipulation and mind games for the reality TV shows, put your pride and hurt aside, and deal with your issues head on like mature adults.

Don't Allow Yourself To Be Possessive and Pushy
If you are too possessive and pushy with him, this will only drive him further away and sink your chances of winning him back. So be sure you avoid doing this. Let him decide if he wants to get back with you without you poking and prodding him. Also, give him enough time and space to emotionally sort things out. Remember, he is hurting just like you are.

Do Approach Him With Sincerity
Be sure you want to get back with your ex for the right reasons. The two best reasons are because you truly love and care about him. You must consider his feelings about getting back together and not just your own.

If you get back together for the wrong reasons, you will begin to repeat mistakes you made the first time around. And I know you both don't want to get back on that emotional roller coaster ride. This will only further damage your relationship and you might end up hating one another, and I know you don't want that. It is better to part as friends than as enemies.