Continued From Article Getting Over A BreakUp
8) Make A List and Check It Twice
Write down a list of reasons why your ex was wrong for you and add in his/her shortcoming as well. This is an emotional healing process. When writing this list be brutally honest and don't hold back! What this is doing is giving you a clear and accurate picture of your ex. You should look at this list to remind you of what you no longer have to deal with when you start missing him/her.
While you are making this list, write down the things your ex did good and bad and how did this make you feel. Highlight the feelings you never want to go through again. When you find yourself wanting to speak with your ex in a vulnerable lonely moment, don't reach for the phone, reach for the list.
Since you were brutally honest writing the list, the list will tell you what life with him/her was actually like and you will feel those pangs of loneliness to be with him/her dissipate. Ask yourself,"Why would you want to go through that hell again?" Remember, you deserve to be loved and treated well just like any other human being.
9) Throw Out The Trash
This breakup could be exactly what the doctor ordered. Taking out old things that you two collected is a great way to emotionally heal. You don't need things lying around the house reminding you of your ex.
Cleaning up your home or personal space is therapeutic and this will keep your mind occupied to think about more constructive things. While your cleaning your room, put up some new pictures and while on your computer, get rid of old photos. Believe it or not cleaning will help you to feel better and help to ease the pain.
10) Press The Delete Button
You will be amazed at the many things that will remind you of your ex, things like a song, a restaurant, or a certain aroma. You need to learn how to delete these painful memories once you have grieved over your breakup.
Subconsciously, there are things lying about that are memory triggers of your ex. Look for these memory triggers by going from room to room in your home and get rid of everything that reminds you of him/her that turns your stomach or breaks your heart all over again.
Don't just gloss over each room, go over it with a fine tooth comb. You do want to get over your ex, don't you? It could be a favorite mug in the kitchen cabinet that was your ex's. Or it could be an old razor that he left in the bathroom. When you see these things, you will either feel rage or heartache.
Once you clear your space of these memory triggers, you will notice a positive difference in how you feel. If he/she has given you something valuable such as a necklace or a watch, don't throw it away especially if it gives you fond memories. But put it in a drawer for now out of sight until you can look at without emotionally breaking down.
11) Focus On Other Things
There is more to life than being in a relationship. You can catch up on what has been happening with family and friends, begin reading again, or even take a class you have been putting off. Even though you are not in a relationship right now, you can still enjoy life being single. This shows you and your ex that you can enjoy life without him/her.
12) Don't Set and Watch Grass Grow
Stay active by getting out there and meet new people by joining a gym or the book of the month club. Exercising elevates your mood and refocuses your attention. Take a spinning or yoga class at the gym or just go walking with a friend or by yourself. Here are some motivation tips to get you in the mood to exercise:
Start off slow for now When you show up to the gym, start off by doing 30 minutes on a recumbent bike or while you are walking, just walk around the block once. This is not so bad is it? Once you start doing this, you will eventually want to do more.
Once you get off of the recumbent bike, you'll might want to walk for 30 minutes on the treadmill or if you decide to walk, you might decide to walk three blocks instead of one. Before you know it, exercising will become a healthy habit you will enjoy.
13) Evict Negative Emotions
Although it feels easier to do this, harboring hatred, regret, and anger against somenone is no benefit to you. Although the relationship ended on a sour note or maybe it didn't, you two had some good times together and you may have learned a thing or two from your ex.
14) Reread The List
Return to that list I told you to make in guideline #8. Review what turned you off with your ex. While you are rereading what his/her weak points were, you will eventually find your ex less and less attractive. This will help you to get over the breakup.
I am not telling you to "hate on" your ex but you really need to have it mentally sink in why this person is not a perfect match for you. For example maybe your ex was cheap and never wanted to spend any money on you.
Or, maybe he/she was an atheist and you did not share his/her beliefs. Or, your ex cheated on you multiple times. Getting over a breakup is never easy but if you take it one day at a time and put these guidelines into good use, you will be Ok.
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Monday, February 11, 2013
Getting Over A Breakup
Mulling over the reason why you broke up is one good way of healing emotionally as long as it isn't overdone. Ask yourself, what led up or caused the breakup? There is probably more than one reason why you two broke up. You should know what they are.
Sometimes relationships weren't meant to last but while you had time with each other, you enjoyed it. You two drifted apart because one or the both of your priorities shifted and what was important to you then is no longer significant now. It is better to breakup now, then to end up in a crummy 15 or 20 year marriage and go through a bitter divorce.
Knowing why you broke up is the first step in getting over a breakup. Reflecting on what went wrong in this relationship will help you not to make the same mistakes in your next relationship. For instance, if you were too jealous, or too possessive, or unfaithful, you know these behaviors can ruin a relationship.
2) Stick To You Guns
If it was you who ended the relationship, thinking about the good o'l days may cloud your judgement into thinking you've made the wrong decision. But you must not let the good times of the past allow you to forget what caused you two to breakup.
If he broke up with you, don't second-guess his decision. Deep down, you probably know it was for the best especially if he/she wasn't treating you the way you deserved to be treated.
When you start reminiscing about all the good times you had with him or her, you might start to convince yourself that he/she wasn't that bad after all and you could live with the bad aspects of the relationship.
Or you maybe thinking if my ex just knew how I felt about him/her, he/she would want to get back together. It is not wise to venture into this type of thinking. Accept your new marital status and emotionally move on.
3) Maintain Your Distance
Even if your breakup was a clean and amicable one, you can remain friends but it is wise to take some time apart right after you two end your relationship. Allow me to elaborate, when I mean no contact immediately after a breakup,
I mean don't send any e-mails, don't contact his/her family, don't hit him/her up on Facebook, do not phone him/her or text him/her, and no letters in the mail. This is not permanent of course. Do not contact him/her until you are ready to see him/her as friends only with no other motives in mind to rekindle your relationship.
If your ex wants to see you again, what would be the point in doing this if he/she or the both of you agreed that you should no longer see each other. If you see one another too soon, you might wind up getting caught up in the moment and do God knows what and making it harder on yourselves to let each other be.
I understand you will have to communicate to your ex especially if there are children involved, pets you have adopted, or moving out and getting the rest of your belongings. But these meetings should be kept to a minimum. In other words, do what you need to do and part company for now.
4) Deal With Your Pain Responsibly
If you know you are the one who messed things up in this relationship, this is Ok. Accepting responsibility for your actions is a good thing. It shows signs of maturity. However, don't beat yourself up too bad. We are all human and we make mistakes. Denial is another important emotion that you will experience but accepting what happened and why with your relationship will help you to emotionally move on.
5) The Hate Phase
Sometimes you will get the urge to lash out and scream especially if you know you gave it your all in this relationship. This anger stems from how bad the breakup was, what led up to it, and how long it took you two to do the inevitable.
You are angry because you feel that you have given your good bread to a dog. You just wished you could have broken it off sooner to save yourself some time, heartache, and money. Some of this anger will be projected at yourself, but you must quickly get rid of this feeling!
You are wasting precious energy and time over something you cannot change. And to be honest, if this was a bad relationship, you have wasted enough time and energy on this person. Replacing love with hate for your ex is never a good thing because it fosters the need to get revenge and this can land you in a whole lot of trouble.
6) Get Your Friends Involved
Get your friends involved in helping you get over this breakup with your ex. Your friends love you and will remind you of all the great things about you. They will help boost your self-confidence. When you have a strong network of empathetic, supportive, and understanding family and friends, you will be able to cope with your breakup and regain your emotional bearings.
7) Writing Can Be Therapeutic
Get yourself a diary and get all of your emotions out and don't worry about using proper grammar. This journal is for your eyes only. This is the time where you can be brutally honest with yourself of what is going on.
While you are writing, do not edit or cross out anything, just keep writing. When you see your actual thoughts out on paper, you will be surprised at what you are able to see what you could not before.
You will see patterns of certain behaviors of why you choose the persons you date. Life lessons that other people have been trying to teach you will become clearer. Don't think of this as a failed relationship.
Even though it did not work out with your ex, you have learned a valuable lesson about yourself. Obviously, this person wasn't the one and the right one is on his/her way. Your ex just moved aside to make way for your true love for life.
Continued On Next Page
I Miss My Boyfriend
If you are going through the,"I miss my boyfriend stage", this is normal even if you are the one who broke up with him. Whether you were ready for the break-up or not, the feelings that you have for him are not going to go away anytime soon especially if you two were together for awhile.
When you find yourself thinking," Did I make the right decision or I want him back." Then you should ask yourself," Is it wise to call him and tell him, can we work things out"?
Thinking About The Good 'ol Days
I understand how you feel. You are not alone in feeling this way. You are probably thinking about how good he smelled, the way he laughed, how he talked, and how you enjoyed the way he fixed you dinner. Maybe you are thinking about how much you had in common such as dancing; and coincidentally this is how you spent your first date, dancing the night away.
This is how most people feel after a break-up. You are not wrong in feeling this way. It is natural for you to feel this way because you miss those positive attributes that he brought into your life.
Becoming single again after being in a long-term relationship, you will have to deal with residual feelings of admiration, love, and adoration for your ex even if the break-up was mutual or one-sided. When you find yourself thinking about him, you automatically think of how he used to be in the beginning of your relationship instead of the negative things that tore you two apart.
Keep this in mind, if he was the ONE, you two would still be together. Was your ex the perfect guy? Well, I think not. For if he was, he would have found a way to make things work out between the two of you OR you would not have given him the heave ho.
Was It A Mistake To Break-Up?
When you have had some time and space from one another, you start thinking if your break-up was a mistake. Maybe the both of you said some things to each other that you really did not mean or you blew some situation way out of proportion.
Or, maybe the day you broke up you were already having a bad day and you inadvertently took it out on him. And after that horrible argument the two of you had, everything just got out of hand.
After you two have spent some time apart; and you have gotten to the bottom of the reason why you broke up, this may be a good time to call him and talk. If you two still love and care about one another, talking things out and hearing what the other has to say will help you to avoid the same mistakes again if you two decide to repair your relationship.
There is one important question you must honestly ask yourself. "Are you missing your boyfriend for the right reasons"? If you are missing him because you don't want to be single or you want him back because your BFFs have boyfriends, this is the wrong reason to get back together.
Take this time apart to put your relationship under a microscope and analyze why you miss him so much. What is it you miss about him? Are you truly in love with him? Or was he just someone to be with for the time being.
Should You Call Him Up?
The proper answer to this question depends on a few criteria. If you have carefully analyzed your relationship and why you broke up, and have come to the conclusion that you two deserve another chance, you should ring him up and ask him to meet you somewhere and talk.
If you dumped him, don't wait for him to call. He is probably too gun shy to make the first move or if he broke up with you, you are going to have to call him. He may not call you for feeling stupid about breaking-up with the best girl ever. So, whether he broke up with you or you broke up with him, you may have to make the first move in getting back together.
Before you decide to call him up and ask him for a sit down, do you really miss him for him or are you just lonely?
If you want to get back with your boyfriend just to pacify your loneliness, I have to say this is not a good idea. You want him back for superficial reasons. If he still loves you and you don't love him, getting back together for the wrong reasons will inevitably bring you back to another break-up.
If he broke up with you, I doubt he would treat you any differently if he behaved badly during the relationship. Regardless of who broke up with who, the relationship will not work if the both of you aren't in love with one another.
Two people who are truly in love with one another will make their relationship work even through the tough times. If you really miss your boyfriend for all of the right reasons, you should contact him to iron things out. He may want to talk to you too but he hasn't the courage.
When you find yourself thinking," Did I make the right decision or I want him back." Then you should ask yourself," Is it wise to call him and tell him, can we work things out"?
Thinking About The Good 'ol Days
I understand how you feel. You are not alone in feeling this way. You are probably thinking about how good he smelled, the way he laughed, how he talked, and how you enjoyed the way he fixed you dinner. Maybe you are thinking about how much you had in common such as dancing; and coincidentally this is how you spent your first date, dancing the night away.
This is how most people feel after a break-up. You are not wrong in feeling this way. It is natural for you to feel this way because you miss those positive attributes that he brought into your life.
Becoming single again after being in a long-term relationship, you will have to deal with residual feelings of admiration, love, and adoration for your ex even if the break-up was mutual or one-sided. When you find yourself thinking about him, you automatically think of how he used to be in the beginning of your relationship instead of the negative things that tore you two apart.
Keep this in mind, if he was the ONE, you two would still be together. Was your ex the perfect guy? Well, I think not. For if he was, he would have found a way to make things work out between the two of you OR you would not have given him the heave ho.
Was It A Mistake To Break-Up?
When you have had some time and space from one another, you start thinking if your break-up was a mistake. Maybe the both of you said some things to each other that you really did not mean or you blew some situation way out of proportion.
Or, maybe the day you broke up you were already having a bad day and you inadvertently took it out on him. And after that horrible argument the two of you had, everything just got out of hand.
After you two have spent some time apart; and you have gotten to the bottom of the reason why you broke up, this may be a good time to call him and talk. If you two still love and care about one another, talking things out and hearing what the other has to say will help you to avoid the same mistakes again if you two decide to repair your relationship.
There is one important question you must honestly ask yourself. "Are you missing your boyfriend for the right reasons"? If you are missing him because you don't want to be single or you want him back because your BFFs have boyfriends, this is the wrong reason to get back together.
Take this time apart to put your relationship under a microscope and analyze why you miss him so much. What is it you miss about him? Are you truly in love with him? Or was he just someone to be with for the time being.
Should You Call Him Up?
The proper answer to this question depends on a few criteria. If you have carefully analyzed your relationship and why you broke up, and have come to the conclusion that you two deserve another chance, you should ring him up and ask him to meet you somewhere and talk.
If you dumped him, don't wait for him to call. He is probably too gun shy to make the first move or if he broke up with you, you are going to have to call him. He may not call you for feeling stupid about breaking-up with the best girl ever. So, whether he broke up with you or you broke up with him, you may have to make the first move in getting back together.
Before you decide to call him up and ask him for a sit down, do you really miss him for him or are you just lonely?
If you want to get back with your boyfriend just to pacify your loneliness, I have to say this is not a good idea. You want him back for superficial reasons. If he still loves you and you don't love him, getting back together for the wrong reasons will inevitably bring you back to another break-up.
If he broke up with you, I doubt he would treat you any differently if he behaved badly during the relationship. Regardless of who broke up with who, the relationship will not work if the both of you aren't in love with one another.
Two people who are truly in love with one another will make their relationship work even through the tough times. If you really miss your boyfriend for all of the right reasons, you should contact him to iron things out. He may want to talk to you too but he hasn't the courage.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
How To Get Girls
The Law of Attraction and How To Get Girls
Before we go into deep discussion on how to get girls while using the law of attraction, we must first define what the law of attraction is. The law of attraction is a belief system that bases itself on "like attracts like." When you focus on positive or negative thoughts, whatever you think will be.
For example, when you see a girl that you like and you know she is out of your league but you say to yourself, "That girl is going to be my girlfriend" the law of attraction believes that this girl will be your girlfriend. I have seen first hand when someone has said, That is going to be my husband" and sure enough she married him. Now staying married is a whole different subject.
Although there is no scientific basis behind the law of attraction, this particular belief began in the early 1900s by an English writer James Allen, there has been cases where a person said something was going to happen no matter how far out it was, it happened. Now I know you don't want a history lesson on the law of attraction. I just thought I would give you a little background on where it originated.
Now, let's get to the good stuff. I am going to give you 5 guidelines on how to get girls using the law of attraction.
1) Set down in a quiet place and think about what type of girl you want to attract. Write in detail all the traits you want her to have ( sense of humor, high libido, intelligence, financially stable). When you write things down, this helps you to clearly focus on what you exactly want. This step is important. By knowing exactly what you want, you won't attract the wrong type of female. When you are done with your list, set it aside in a safe place. You may want to change some things later.
2) I know this sounds odd but you must love yourself. Most people wind up in crummy relationships because they do not love themselves and they attract the wrong mate. If you want the ideal girl to love you, you must love YOU first. Just as the Law states, "Like attracts like." If you don't like yourself, the girl you attract will not treat you well at all. So, before you start girl hunting, get to an emotional and mental place where you love yourself.
3) Discipline yourself to meditate and bring your mind to get rid of any negative thoughts or emotions. You need to have positive thoughts about giving love and receiving it. Start your day by doing some breathing exercises for 15 to 20 minutes a day concentrating on the power of love. The law of attraction states that the more love you have on the inside of you, the more love you radiate out towards the atmosphere, and love will come back to you in spades.
4) When you find yourself daydreaming, visualize loving scenarios; make them real to you. Whatever you focus your mind on, you will attract. When you imagine positive things happening to you, they will. Your imagination is your most valuable asset when it works in tandem with emotions. It's not enough to imagine the type of girl you want, you have to imagine how you will react when you finally meet her. When you imagine feeling joy and love when you meet her, your perfect girl wherever she may be will feel your positive emotions and therefore will be attracted to you.
5) I know this hard but you must be patient. Us humans want what we want when we want it and this is not always a good thing. Just remember that impatience is a negative emotion and you don't want any negativity flying around your positive aura. Being impatient to get the girl you want can hinder your progress. When you feel a bout of impatience coming on, replace it with something positive.
When you set your personal energy and thoughts to mirror the type of partner you want, you will find the girl that is a perfect match for you.
Before we go into deep discussion on how to get girls while using the law of attraction, we must first define what the law of attraction is. The law of attraction is a belief system that bases itself on "like attracts like." When you focus on positive or negative thoughts, whatever you think will be.
For example, when you see a girl that you like and you know she is out of your league but you say to yourself, "That girl is going to be my girlfriend" the law of attraction believes that this girl will be your girlfriend. I have seen first hand when someone has said, That is going to be my husband" and sure enough she married him. Now staying married is a whole different subject.
Although there is no scientific basis behind the law of attraction, this particular belief began in the early 1900s by an English writer James Allen, there has been cases where a person said something was going to happen no matter how far out it was, it happened. Now I know you don't want a history lesson on the law of attraction. I just thought I would give you a little background on where it originated.
Now, let's get to the good stuff. I am going to give you 5 guidelines on how to get girls using the law of attraction.
1) Set down in a quiet place and think about what type of girl you want to attract. Write in detail all the traits you want her to have ( sense of humor, high libido, intelligence, financially stable). When you write things down, this helps you to clearly focus on what you exactly want. This step is important. By knowing exactly what you want, you won't attract the wrong type of female. When you are done with your list, set it aside in a safe place. You may want to change some things later.
2) I know this sounds odd but you must love yourself. Most people wind up in crummy relationships because they do not love themselves and they attract the wrong mate. If you want the ideal girl to love you, you must love YOU first. Just as the Law states, "Like attracts like." If you don't like yourself, the girl you attract will not treat you well at all. So, before you start girl hunting, get to an emotional and mental place where you love yourself.
3) Discipline yourself to meditate and bring your mind to get rid of any negative thoughts or emotions. You need to have positive thoughts about giving love and receiving it. Start your day by doing some breathing exercises for 15 to 20 minutes a day concentrating on the power of love. The law of attraction states that the more love you have on the inside of you, the more love you radiate out towards the atmosphere, and love will come back to you in spades.
4) When you find yourself daydreaming, visualize loving scenarios; make them real to you. Whatever you focus your mind on, you will attract. When you imagine positive things happening to you, they will. Your imagination is your most valuable asset when it works in tandem with emotions. It's not enough to imagine the type of girl you want, you have to imagine how you will react when you finally meet her. When you imagine feeling joy and love when you meet her, your perfect girl wherever she may be will feel your positive emotions and therefore will be attracted to you.
5) I know this hard but you must be patient. Us humans want what we want when we want it and this is not always a good thing. Just remember that impatience is a negative emotion and you don't want any negativity flying around your positive aura. Being impatient to get the girl you want can hinder your progress. When you feel a bout of impatience coming on, replace it with something positive.
When you set your personal energy and thoughts to mirror the type of partner you want, you will find the girl that is a perfect match for you.
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